


A Diamond's Regret

by arobynsung



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-07-28
Updated: 2008-07-28
Packaged: 2017-10-05 23:28:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arobynsung/pseuds/arobynsung
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The future is sometimes definite, regardless of the past you create now.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Diamond's Regret

"Stupid idiotic, arrogant twat of a frustrating boy." Lily muttered as she stormed through the halls of Hogwarts. She'd just had to break up another fight involving that bloody idiot James Potter and Severus Snape. You'd have thought that being chosen Head Boy would prompt the beginnings of common sense in him. Lily still didn't understand how he'd gotten the badge; Dumbledore must have gone temporarily insane to appoint Potter for Head Boy. All it had resulted in was an enlargement of his ego - shockingly it could get bigger - and more fights with Slytherins, and by Circe, if she had to break up another fight she'd be hexing important bits off next time, not just magically sealing his mouth shut. At least Hogwarts would be getting a much needed break from his grating voice for a week.

At least that's what the she swore to herself as she plopped herself outside the main courtyard on one of the ledges. Lily sighed deeply to clear her head and picked up the book-bag she'd haphazardly dropped beside her. Reaching in she pulled out her sketchpad and her favourite pencil.

She chewed on her pencil, not noticing the rubbery taste of the eraser, as she tried to decide what to draw. A noise startled her and she automatically turned her focus to the source of movement to her left. Eyes slightly widened, she watched as a blur that turned out to be Narcissa Black stopped suddenly at the bottom of the stone steps outside Hogwarts's main doors. Soon after, a young man Lily knew from years previous as Lucius Malfoy calmly descended the steps as if out for a leisurely walk, and not going after his obviously livid girlfriend.

Lily squirmed slightly, wondering if she should leave and not be accidentally privy to what was clearly a lovers' tiff. She started to pack up but decided otherwise when the yelling started - damn her Gryffindor curiosity. She tried to work it through in her head. _'Besides, Malfoy can't exactly be the best boyfriend around and I should probably stick around to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, not that I care if anything happens to Narcissa Black, it was just the principle of the thing...right?' _

"You're making a scene, Cissa." Malfoy was obviously trying to get her to calm down and lower her voice.

Lily scoffed quietly. _'Probably doesn't want anyone to know what he did to her.'_

"Don't you _Cissa _me, Lucius." Narcissa responded, her voice deadly. Lily silently cheered the other girl on as she continued, her tone dangerous. "You don't get to Cissa me. Not after I found about that tramp, and from your own mother no less!"

Lily tried to squash the glee that came from learning new gossip. Honestly, she was acting like one of those Slytherin girls she swore never to be. Ignoring her sudden yearning for popcorn she listened on as Lucius tried ti defend himself.

"Narcissa. My mother is a paranoid woman and probably thought she was protecting the interests of the family by owling you." He touched her face as if pushing a strand of hair behind her ear - of course there was no hair, Narcissa Black was known for her as-close-to-perfection-as-you-can-get looks, a stray hair was simply unbecoming. 

"Honestly, Cissa, who do you trust more, your future mother-in-law or your beloved fiance?"

Narcissa brushed his hand away, "Right now, Lucius, your mother. Although that wretched woman would be callous enough to lie."

Narcissa turned her face away from Lucius, looking in Lily's direction and she felt herself freeze in place as she made direct eye contact with an icy blue gaze. Guilty thoughts on whether to make herself scarce, or stay in direct defiance of being caught, citing that a student was allowed to sit anywhere they liked on Hogwarts grounds unless specifically instructed otherwise, ran through her mind at startling speed. Thankfully, Narcissa didn't seem to mind - or if she did - she ignored Lily and turned back to Lucius.

"Just tell me, why it had to be my own sister."

Lily's jaw dropped in a silent gasp and she cursed the wizarding world for not having discovered popcorn. This was like one of her mother's favourite soaps.

"You could have anyone else. I wouldn't have given a care, but not my _sister_, Lucius." Her voice was uncharacteristically desperate now, but Malfoy didn't seem to care.

_'The bastard.'_

"Jealousy does not become you, Narcissa. It would do you well to not think of such disturbing matters, wouldn't want to ruin that pretty face prematurely with wrinkles- charms can only do so much."

A dry sob erupted from Narcissa's throat, "Lucius don't be cruel." She reached out and took his hand, "Please."

Lily couldn't believe her eyes as Malfoy's face seemed to soften, if only for a fraction of a second, "I will ask Mother to keep out of our love lives. I assure you Narcissa, that there is nothing between me and your sister. Bella holds no fascination of mine, I'm yours entirely." He lifted their clasped hands and placed a kiss on her fingers.

Narcissa smiled sweetly at that and Lily couldn't help but give an over-exaggerated eye roll at the display, it was either that or gag and that would have made too much noise.

Lucius pulled her into his arms and Narcissa hugged him back. Lily almost fell off her low ledge seat on as she met Narcissa's heartbreaking eyes again. The redhead didn't think she'd ever seen anyone sadder; Narcissa's eyes seemed to beg for some sort of escape, to be anywhere but there.

In that moment, Lily knew what she wanted to draw - sad beautiful eyes that were even more beautiful in their pain. She wanted to capture the desperation and sadness, wanted to portray how trapped Narcissa looked in that moment, like a dove in a cage. She reached for her sketchpad and pencil not caring about being noticed and rushed to capture the scene.

She lost herself as she often did in the familiar movements of her pencil not looking up again, she had a talent for imprinting a particular image in her mind and not having to see it again in front of her. As long as she was uninterrupted she could etch out every minute detail until she was satisfied she'd captured every feeling in the drawing, all without a tangible reference.

Such single mindedness did however result in her complete and utter obliviousness to her surroundings and as such Lily didn't notice Narcissa saying her goodbyes to Malfoy. She definitely missed Narcissa's narrowed eyes in her direction and did not notice that the other girl had walked over to her, gracefully sat on the ledge and was now watching her draw.

"Sad bird."

Lily's head snapped up and looked around her in a mild panic. She blushed slightly when she noticed the amused smile on Narcissa Black's face, who was apparently sitting next to her now and when in the world did that happen?

Her blush increased exponentially when she realised that it was indeed Narcissa Black, who just minutes ago had been in a fight with her fiance while Lily blatantly eavesdropped on the conversation. Her anxiety did not abate when the smile on Narcissa's face turned teasing.

"Is there a particular reason your face is trying to imitate a tomato, because I must point out that it clashes quite horribly with your hair."

Lily said nothing.

"It was a joke. Honestly, you'd think as a Gryffindor you'd understand a joke."

Lily still said nothing. In truth she was still trying to figure out when and why Narcissa had taken a seat next to her. Oh and then there was the smiling and talking _amicably_ even Narcissa was the crowned Slytherin ice-queen; she most certainly did not associate with Gryffindors, especially not ones that were quintessentially so.

"Well I must say this for you, at least you're pretty. For your wit is nothing to marvel at."

That grabbed Lily's attention, and it wasn't because Narcissa had called her pretty either, of course not...she just didn't appreciate her intelligence being inversely correlated to her looks. _'Not that I think I'm overly pretty, it's just...oh hell.'_

"I beg your pardon?" she asked her voice low, "What gives you the right to tell me anything about my wit?"

Narcissa's smile disappeared, but the teasing lilt in her voice didn't, "Would you say that you've given me any reason to believe otherwise? I mean, all you've done is stare at me while doing a mildly amusing impression of a gaping tomato-coloured fish."

Lily opened her mouth to respond, but decided to close it. She really didn't need to get into a fight with the Slytherin when she'd been the one to invade the other girl's privacy. Turns out guilt is a good peacemaker.

She turned back to her drawing, ignoring the urge to look into the other girl's eyes and look for the sadness. She'd just lost herself in her work again when Narcissa interrupted again, "I'm going to ask you to not repeat what you heard today."

Lily lifted her head to look at Narcissa, "Of course, I wouldn't."

Narcissa just smiled sardonically, "Of course you wouldn't, that's the only reason I ask, mind. Any other girl, I would have obliviated or threatened into silence."

Lily frowned, "What makes you so sure I won't?" She asked if only to be defiant to the other girl's assumptions; Lily hated assumptions.

"Because you're not the type. Even if there was a benefit to you, you wouldn't say a word about it. You're too Gryffindor, and not in that too terribly annoying way."

That caused a snort from the redhead, "_Too _terribly annoying?"

Narcissa nodded, "Well, you are still a Gryffindor."

Lily smiled, "Is that your attempt at another joke?" She asked, relaxing into the lighter mood.

Narcissa raised a perfect eyebrow, "Of course not." the blond responded quite seriously.

Lily couldn't help it, she laughed, causing the other girl to fall into laughter with her. It was a lovely sound Narcissa's laughter, fluid like water, musical like chimes in a breeze. Her mind jerked, why was she analysing the girl's laughter?

_'Yet another thought to ignore.'_

A comfortable silence fell upon them; Lily went back to her sketchpad and Narcissa stared emptily at the glimmering lake in the distance.

After a while, Lily finished, closing her sketchpad and returning it to her bag. She turned to her companion and tapped her awkwardly on the shoulder, "Are you alright?" She asked, knowing the answer but asking the question, if only to be nice about it.

"Why do people ask that question? I must say it is one of the most annoying combination of words I've ever heard." Narcissa answered, her voice conveying exasperation.

Lily bristled, "Well I was just being nice, no need to answer."

Narcissa glared at the redhead, "Why be nice, when you can be true?" She pinched the bridge of her nose and rubbed her eyes. _ 'No make-up,'_ Lily noted absently as Narcissa continued, voice lowered so that if anyone else had been around the area, they couldn't have even heard a whisper, "Why can't you just ask why I'm staying with a man who's so obviously cheating on me, with my sister, no less? Why can't you just ask why I insist on deceiving myself into a false sense of contentment? Why can't you just ask why my loyalty to my family precedes loyalty to myself and any hope of sanity?"

Narcissa sighed and Lily couldn't help but notice how tired she looked.

Lily obliged the other girl, "Very well then, why? Answer your own questions."

Narcissa looked back to the lake, "Because I'm a hopeless romantic, a fool, and a Black. In that order." Her sardonic smile returned.

Lily felt a sudden need to wipe it off, with her fingers, or lips. _'Woah, and where did that come from, Ms. Evans?' _

"Pathetic, isn't it. Here I am, betrothed to the heir of one of the most powerful families in Wizardry, and I'm not exactly in penury myself. I could have the world if I but asked for it, and instead I'm drowning in unfashionable self-pity confessing all to a Gryffindor. I should go drown myself in the lake."

"NO!" Lily exclaimed, her face flaming again when Narcissa stared at her as if she was a talking tomato, "I mean, don't drown yourself," Trying to cover her own embarrassment Lily joked, "Besides the squid is known for throwing any students trying to kill themselves out of the water."

Narcissa smiled, "Hmm, well then, that plan's foiled then isn't it. Suppose I'll find a tower, though I've read of levitation spells around the castle that stop that too."

Lily smiled back uneasily, "Hogwarts is just not the easiest place to kill yourself, ironic considering the high number of ghosts haunting the place."

The other girl didn't respond. Her smile unmoving she nodded to Lily, lowered herself to the ground and went back into the castle without a word.

_'Oh crap, I've probably encouraged suicide.' _With that thought in mind, and the knowledge that she really didn't want this particular Slytherin to die, Lily picked her bag up, dropped sloppily down to the ground, and raced after the other girl.

"Don't kill yourself!" She screamed causing Narcissa to turn.

"What?" the blond asked, confused.

Lily persisted, "It's not worth it, don't kill yourself."

"You're joking." Narcissa shook her head, bemoaning Gryffindor idiocy with an all-suffering sigh, "Alright, I won't kill myself at the moment. I'll tell you what, meet me in the library and help me with that Charms essay Flitwick just assigned. Then if I feel the workload is overwhelming and charm a dagger to slit my throat you can be there to stop me."

Lily's face turned white with horror, "_What_?" she asked in a small voice.

Narcissa laughed that musical laugh again, "Joke, Evans." She rolled her eyes and went back into the castle.

Lily just stood outside the castle doors pretending that she didn't feel like a complete idiot. That and ignoring weird thoughts that shall not be named, took up her concentration as she finally walked back into the castle and toward the Head's dorms.

-x-

"Oh where is that wretched book?" Lily mumbled to herself while rummaging through her trunk. She sighed, her mother always told her that carelessness always came back to bite you.

She looked up at her tutee apologetically. "Sorry, I probably left it in the common room downstairs."

Narcissa smiled, "Careless little phoenix, go get it then." She scolded.

Lily glared, suppressing the urge to stick her tongue out. Instead she rolled her eyes, "I've told you before, that's a ridiculous nickname, otherwise make yourself at home." She blushed and swept a indicating the general vicinity of her living room, "Sorry about the mess. Find a place to sit, it's messy, but everything's clean. Advantage of being Head Girl is I get my own bedroom to keep unntidy." She smiled self-deprecating and left the room leaving the door open.

Narcissa looked about the room after the redhead left. The room wasn't that messy, it was mostly books and scrolls of parchment with random drawings and sketches littered around. Looked more like a live-in library really. She smiled and sat on the bed, the one place clear of clutter and thought back on her odd friendship with the redhead.

For whatever reason, their interaction had continued after that day in the courtyard. Narcissa had even thought about standing the other girl up later that night, but something bid her show up for her tutoring lesson. That had led to more sessions and a friendship that blossomed unexpectedly, but not unwelcome. It had been nice to have someone to talk to, other than those vapid minded tramps she was forced to associate with publicly. Lily's wit had turned out to be more extensive than she'd shown the first time they'd met and it fit perfectly with Narcissa's more cutting nature, softening and tempering it. They often met in the Head Prefects' common room when the Potter boy was out to study and chat. It was the only thing in her life Narcissa felt was completely pure and genuine, with no outrageous expectations that forced her to stifle herself.

Today they decided to meet in Lily's room for a Charms study session because Potter had insisted on having the common room for his gang's prank plotting idiocy. Lily had began to argue the point when Narcissa had suggested they just move upstairs to her room for more peace and quiet. Narcissa had meant to add privacy to the reasons for the move but something in her questioned the thought.

Feeling suddenly uneasy, Narcissa stood up and tiptoed around the room carefully avoiding the mess. A covered easel in the corner of the room caught her eye. She moved closer to it, removing the covering sheet on it curious then mildly surprised when she realised she was the subject of Lily's drawing. Suppressing any immediate feelings bubbling in her she studied it.

It was breathtaking.

Lily had drawn her with hair falling in a golden cascade, wisps of her hair escaping as if blown into her face keeping her right eye in shadow. In spite of the obstruction, her eyes still shone with radiance, like persistent sunlight slipping in between curtains at dawn. Her nose was thin and straight, a perfect fit for her face. Narcissa noticed that her lips were redder in the rendering than she would ever have them in real life; it was as if they were blushing with some naughty little secret, she smiled at that. Her neck was an expression of the intrinsic grace she carried herself with, long lithe and again perfectly matched. 

She moved her eyes lower with a blush, Lily was more daring than she'd thought, it was a nude. Her breasts were small but adequate, rosy and pert. That was all Narcissa would think of them, ignoring the smooth lines of the pencil that seemed to caress them. Her arms lay on her stomach lazily, causing Narcissa to cluck her tongue, laziness was not a trait she would associate with herself.

Moving quickly down the single line that curved in the middle of her stomach, Narcissa paused and looked up. With a breath to fortify herself, she went back to the drawing. The redhead had been tasteful. There was nothing garish or raunchy about the lower half of the blonde's body; Her thighs were soft and slim leading gracefully into her calves, an effect that made it seem as if they went on forever.

Narcissa stepped back and she swore her heart exploded when she allowed herself to notice the amount of love put in to the art. Every line was a caress, every shading a loving touch, every minute detail was kissed with the artist's love for her subject.

Lily burst into the room, "Alright, found it. I'm so careless sometimes. My book was- what are you doing?" Lily asked having noticed the uncovered easel. Her mind raced with possible lies she could tell that might explain the drawing of the other girl...naked.

Narcissa gave her no such chance. "I was almost hoping this wouldn't happen," she turned her head to Lily, "I saw it growing in every look, every careless touch, and selfishly I let it be."

Lily's mind went blank, a sudden pain racing through her nerves as she looked into the sad blue eyes, only one word came to mind, other than 'shit' of course, "Narcissa...."

The girl in question smiled at her and Lily wondered why it looked like an apology. A wave of utter sorrow staggered her as she realised what Narcissa was about to do, "It's just a drawing 'Cissa, nothing special."

Narcissa shook her head once and walked up to Lily. Her arms went around the redhead's waist and she leaned in pressing their cheeks together, her mouth near Lily's ear. She whispered, "We're going to go our separate ways. Yours is going to a life of passion and fire, you will marry a fellow Gryffindor, probably Potter, and you will have a perfect family; children who will probably look just like you and will go on to be the forces of good against evil. My way is planned and careful, a gilded cage of diamonds and lies with Lucius; he and I will have a son, the embodiment of pureblood pride and we'll be the envy of all our so-called friends."

Narcissa heard the book Lily had been holding drop beside them and felt the wetness of a tear whose owner she was unsure of.

She leaned back so that their foreheads touched, "You smell like cinnamon." A breaking sob escaped Narcissa's tight hold on her emotions. Knowing that her resolve would weaken with a single word from the other girl Narcissa forced herself to release the redhead from her hold.

The blond caressed Lily's soft chin avoiding the green eyes that were probably alight with pain. "I love you too." She kissed the other girl right below her ear lingering there for a moment.

As she walked back to the dungeons, Narcissa decided that her heart hadn't exploded, otherwise it wouldn't hurt as much as it did now.

**Author's Note:**

> In this I'm assuming that Heads get their own private dorm area.


End file.
